Burns Series 2019 – Nos 2 – To a cat

Are you takin’the highland piss!!
Ok this ends now and stop that hiss,
Swanning aboot all day and nicht
Your ignorance is at its frickin hicht!
Your body language clearly shows us,
Your sweet miaow? It’s a pure cat cuss,
As ye spray ma rug and miss your litter.
You leg it middle claw raised, you’re clearly much fitter!
And here’s a question, you bonnie rat,
With your kitten mentality in the body of a cat.
Do you actually hink it’s a braw to claw your host,
Ya needles hit ‘bits’ like a willie scratch post!
And what the hell do you do all day?
Can you wash up, iron and naw just play?
Coz the batshit crazy 2 oors o zest
Needs to end, it’s bedtime…gie me a rest!
Here’s a final hing, ya smart arsed feline
Dinnae use the litter and then make a beeline
Towards me like a hoachin’ sleepwalker
To wipe your toilet paws, ya fury daft stalker.
And when did ye get so frickin’ fussy,
Aboot wit meat ye eat, ya stuck up hussy?
So noo it’s Whiskers, the cost n bloody stress,
Has Gordon Ramsay been roon, no less!?
I know you hate me with a whiskered passion,
As ye lie, top stair, you ginger stealth assassin.
For ma two in the morning middle aged pee hit,
Bare foot hits fur and me erse oer tit!
On a final note, miss smartest o the species,
When you’ve finished chasing fleas and playing wae ma keys
Go grab the brush and get yersel pretty,
Coz ma kilt noo resembles the coat o a yeti!!

Ok pal I’m sorry aboot this harsh wee sonnet,

And aye you’ve been close to becoming gloves and a ginger bonnet

But in truth we could never be apert

As you calm and fill this old man’s he’ert.

(copyright. 2019) Pedro Batpoet