Tranquil

TRANQUIL
I yearn for the tinnitus to stop and yes,
I yearn to be happy and yes,
I want to be here and yes,
I yearn for a mill-pond mind.
Not a ripple,
Not a series of ever decreasing circles to be seen…imagine that!
And the books I’ve read,
and the courses I’ve done,
and the sessions I’ve had,
and the advice I’ve heard!
So I yearn to clear the clutter of a coma black cacophony of sounds, all striking up in unison.
Not a pleasant taste,
Not a soothing kiss.
Just be mindful, they read and,just change, the theme and,

just change, the theme and,

just compartmentalise,
she expertly served as the ball goes wide and,just be mindful? they winced in doubt!

just be mindful? they winced in doubt!

So I’m not depressed or anxious or suicidal.
I yearn to be dressed not fractious but tranquil
Not a series of stutters and stammers.
Not an inadequately analysed case study from a Google Shrink.
And apparently I have the answers,and apparently I am the remedy,
and apparently I can fix me if i just…well…
and apparently I harness it all!

and apparently I am the remedy,
and apparently I can fix me if i just…well…
and apparently I harness it all!

So my brain is Facebook stream, a vacuous lacuna.I yearn for a no feed, no ads, no profiled mind.
Not this clutter, white noise, pithy black hole.
Not this darkness where I sit on the floor hugging my legs,

I yearn for a no feed, no ads, no profiled mind.
Not this clutter, white noise, pithy black hole.
Not this darkness where I sit on the floor hugging my legs,

and free from disturbance, calm.Free from a crusted wilting edge along my brow.

Free from a crusted wilting edge along my brow.

And yes I am a bi-product,And yes I have ACE’s,
And yes I question my every step but NO, not my every breath,
And yes I want to hear the birds sing and my children laugh and feel the soft exhalation on my neck from my heart as she sleeps peacefully next to me..and yet,
I have no answers.

And yes I have ACE’s,
And yes I question my every step but NO, not my every breath,
And yes I want to hear the birds sing and my children laugh and feel the soft exhalation on my neck from my heart as she sleeps peacefully next to me..and yet,
I have no answers.

So my head is a snakes wedding of unstoppable contortions and so,I yearn for the tinnitus to stop and yes,
I yearn to be happy and yes,
I want to be here and yes,
I yearn for a mill-pond mind.

I yearn for the tinnitus to stop and yes,
I yearn to be happy and yes,
I want to be here and yes,
I yearn for a mill-pond mind.

© PEDRO-BATPOET 2018