There are many empires that the world has witnessed.
Now we can name them all and I must confess
That before I worked, where I once worked, I thought I’d seen the worst of an Empire’s mess.
So it was a place of law, development and a hive of all things great,
But there were 2 elements of this concrete heaven, which I can’t help but still hate.
You see they were all in the same boat, rowing at the same pace,
but not knowing it was all a race, set out by their superiors,
which used sacking like a weapon so to blind all of us inferiors
Now this mess that I mention, just there in the last verse,
Often leads to blue language, I will try my best not to curse.
So can you imagine if you will one ship, many oars and everyone is pulling,
Now imagine further between each rower a wall, to stop them all from fulfilling,
Their quest to be the best they can, as they are told that they all lack,
Is the fortitude and dress sense to get themselves promoted to the moon back.
This was true on some accounts as there were some who moaned that they were a slave,
But the difference is that they avoided work, watched the mayhem unfold, and always took their wage.
Decisions were always made at a level slightly above my own,
By people who saw this as their playground, and were deaf to the pleading moans.
Of those like me, who could always see that us pawns were being played,
In a Jumanji style existence where instant sacking made many afraid,
To speak up or challenge these two corporate-paedophiles, these barren vacuous crows that patrolled all of the offices,
Who prayed on young trainees to force-feed cash into all of their abusive orifices.
But, with all things in life there is a turning point and my first came after just 90 days,
When we were told to meet in the board room at 8pm, the main paedo had something to say
He asked us to look out of the window and asked us what we could see,
We were all quite pedantic by then and said, “Errr cars, the Court house and a river that leads to the sea?”
His face went red, the buttons on his undersized slim fit shirt started to bulge as flesh filled each gap.
“No, my Porsche is there and if you don’t make more money, and I have to give that back, I swear as I am standing here, you will all get the sack!”
Another 30 days passed, probation done, so contract in hand I went to see,
These two predators of juniors, as I had a young family and this job however bad was money.
I closed the door, and I remember it well, I was asked to stand and not sit,
They mentioned my dress code first saying my suit was cheap and didn’t fit,
So I had to retort that working 80 hours a week for such a small salary,
Leaves me nothing for my wife and kids, we can barely eat their recommended dose of calories
The emotionless response caused my teeth to clench hands formed into fists,
And then they delivered their final blow – you see we aren’t keeping you on because since you’ve embraced this new fad of facial hair when in Court, well you resemble a rapist!”
Now, not that I needed a connection, but they weren’t to know that in the past a dear friend suffered the trauma of rape,
Which brought the red mist down beautifully over my eyes as I walked back, my heart filled with hate.
I turned and locked us all in that room together. They both froze.
He reached for the phone to call reception asking for the police, no doubt,
But before he could utter a word, I ripped the phone from his ear and muffled his startled shouts.
I remember standing on his desk, with my contract scrunched in hand,
Now shhhhh, sit down quietly” I said, more calm than a demand
An instant thought came in could I kidnap this guy tonight, buy a blow torch and rope and take him to my shed?
But that took planning and effort, I had constantly insomnia, I needed wine, night nurse and then my bed.
But I took a more professional and lawyers approach, lent in and stapled the contract to his head!
It really did work too, as I opened out the stapler, it was all in the flick of my squash players wrist.
So he sat there, his red toxic blood gathered around the staple then dripped down the page onto his light brown Chelsea boots.
I turned to boss number two who had frozen against the law books.
All I could find was a black marker pen, and with ‘gangster’ now filling my head,
I copied a film I loved so much and wrote ‘MUG’ across her forehead.
As I unlocked the door I lent back in and with intensity I wrapped my hand so there were no gaps
Around the one thing he loved religiously his chicken ceasar wrap!
For added drama and affect,
I opened it slowly in front of him and started on his lunch, I was now the prefect.
And these two chastised kids, Mug and Staple boy didn’t move an inch,
It was a first in that law firm, a trainee had some balls and didn’t flinch.
Sadly this is mostly a true story, and I left my favourite vocation,
But some good news came a few years later at that same location.
You see it wasn’t just me who’d had enough, later I got to hear,
That as I left, and smeared the remainder of that caeser wrap on the window of the Porsche, 6 other lawyers behind the glass gave a black panther cheer.
They all left within the year and lodged a mass complaint,
The content of which I hear made the Chief Registrar in the Law Society faint.
Karma has been served now, to see is always fun,
As one faces charges of fraud and the other is on the run.
So the moral of this story, is simple and relates to you and me,
Always walk away with honour and a Caesar wrap, to protect your integrity.